True, I'm in love with you, but

Trying to adopt the mantra of "I love Tax Day. Taxes are my favorite" doesn't really work. At least the Internet can help me. I feel sorry for my parents, when they had to do their taxes without it. But still. Aaron just had to hear me loudly hissing at my computer.

It didn't scare him, though. He gave me A Look, © Erica.

Fate is telling me to get a new car. All my tires went flat when I was driving home. It could also be the shitty roads around here. I'm lucky I didn't cause an accident.

Today is Peter Tork's 70th birthday. I'll never forget how, when I was in high school, I thought of Valentine's Day as "the day after Peter Tork's birthday". Thank god I don't place things on my mental timeline according to important Monkees dates anymore, right?

I still sometimes do that with The Who, though

Aaron was getting really frustrated with me today. Not because of Peter Tork's birthday (at least, I don't think). He's starting to make sounds as though, if he could talk, he'd have so much to say to me. It's really cute. I have conversations with him so he'll keep it up.

Today (my birthday) didn't go the way I expected it to.

Which is good, because I expected it to be terrible. But so far, so good.

My daughter and in-laws are in town for Thanksgiving and the wedding, and after the wedding when Erica and I are on our weekend honeymoon. It's nice to have all of this company over, but our house is a little bit sitcom-esque at the moment. It's usually three of us, and a cat. Now it's six people and a cat. Plus Erica's siblings and their spouses and kids. They're not all staying here, but...

Here's the story of a man named Chalker...

I am excited that my family is growing even more. Big families mean extra drama sometimes, sure, but they also mean extra people who support you and extra people to love. It's important to remember that when fighting over the last of the sweet potatoes.

To say that I'm anxious about the wedding - actually, all of it - would be an understatement, but I have been okay for the most part. My therapist would be proud. I know he's glad that I'm getting married in a train station: a decidedly large, public place. I didn't even know I had that in me. But some things are too perfect to pass up just because of the potential for panic attacks.

June has decided that, since I'm mostly working from home still, she should start Skyping with me. At least once a day. Usually when I really need a nap. But it's nice to stay in touch with her. I forgot how harrowing high school was.

I've been decorating and dancing around singing "Anything Can Happen On Halloween". The neighborhood is definitely getting into the spirit, which is good. I was worried that it would be a somber affair this year, with everything that's happened. But it's better for life to go back to normal, I say!

Aaron seems to already be learning The Look from Erica. It's too funny. He especially does it as if to say "my father is a strange, strange man." I need to get a picture of it.

AARON SCOTT CHALKER was born at 10:11 a.m. yesterday morning. He's seven pounds, thirteen ounces, twenty-one inches long, and he seems quite happy to be in the world. He is especially fond of sleeping. I guess he was determined to be born in October.

I am losing my mind.

I have to lock up all the baby toys because Holly is suddenly going mental and attacking stuffed animals. I have no idea why. They're not infused with any odd scents. Maybe she's just of that age. She's my first cat, so I have no idea. Luckily, she's not the type to mark her territory so we don't have any of those problems. But she may have to be locked out of the baby's freshly-decorated nursery if she can't behave herself.

In other news, reading things that have to do with September 11th makes a lump form in my throat. I don't know how I'm going to get through editing some of this stuff.

[Private to Patrick]

It's been a while. A long while. Do you want to hang out somewhere?

[/Private]

I got White-Out on my fingers, to the point where it looks like I did it on purpose. Like nail polish, except not cool like Ozzy Osbourne's. I am Edit Man! It's good to be back at work, nonetheless.

Thank you, Janis, Beth & Garrett, Layla and Laura for all your help and general well wishes, while we were gone. I tried to bring back a sea lion for each of you, but they don't allow that sort of thing on trains. Apparently, the powers that be have never seen Dumbo.

I never thought I'd be able to travel this far, but here I am in San Francisco. Erica's family is really great. It's so nice to be able to just relax and enjoy spending time with my fiancée, experiencing all these new things. California is one of those places where I always imagined myself living. I also imagined myself living in England and New York, but even thinking about going that far makes the room spin a little.

Since we're going to be gone a while, I'm going to need someone to look after my cat, Holly. Just general feeding, litter box cleaning and affection. Beth, Laura or Janis? Would you be willing to take care of a kitty for a few weeks? Don't worry, I'll pay you, of course.

( Janis, Layla & Hannah )

My mom practically bought an entire nursery set for Erica's and my baby.

Normally, a gift like this would be a sweet surprise, a kindly gesture, something expected of a grandmother. But most grandmothers do not give such a present along with the disclaimer that she is giving it to us because she knows we "need help".

What the fuck? Does something about me scream 'poor person in need of charity'? I suppose she thinks I work my ass off at the paper each day for nothing. She must assume that teachers are still paid what they used to be paid and that neither of us can afford this nice house we're living in. We're obviously pinching pennies. Jesus Christ.

I never thought looking at a crib would make me so angry.

This Father's Day was very nice. June surprised me with a homemade t-shirt that appears to have taken hours. And even Erica surprised me, with a nice dress shirt and tie, so I'll be very classy-looking at work when I wear it. You might not even recognize me. For one thing, it's purple.

I also cannot believe that just fourteen weeks from now, we will have a tiny baby. I'm still pinching myself about that one.

I hope all of my fellow fathers had a nice Father's Day. I raise my glass of lemonade to you!

Until the school year ends, I feel like I'm going to be like that kid who sighs at the calendar because it's still not Friday afternoon. In other words, I'm going to be like every kid. That's just something that happens when you're engaged to a teacher. Weekends are a lot more exciting these days.

No offense intended, Layla, Hannah, et al. Speaking of work, this video made me feel sort of good about myself. Editors are important. Editors are necessary for success. Someone who gets it! Book editors get to have more fun, though, but let's focus on the positive, Bryan.

I need to be better about talking to people. I worry that a lot of people (both in my life and just strangers, even) think I'm, at best, standoffish and, at worst, an asshole. I don't want to be perceived as either of those things. And I'm sorry if I've upset you in the past. I promise to try to do better now and in future.

Erica's parents are visiting soon and I'm so scared that they won't like me and they'll be mad at me for stealing their daughter or something. I know this is probably irrational, but that might as well be my middle name. Well, along with Kristopherson. I'd never dream of dropping that. But I've always thought that people with two middle names were cooler than everyone else...

Bryan Kristopherson Irrational Chalker.

I like it.

Okay, this is the nervousness talking. I figured that blogging or whatever the fuck you call this is better than relying on smoking or drinking my problems away.